The reality is finally kicking in that soon I will be married and out of my parents' home. Of course we all know I will find my way back here for reasons that do not make any sense (passing by on my way to the gym, home alone, or just to feel loved again) because clearly I will miss this place! I have lived in this home for about 23 out of the 24 years of my life, so you can imagine all the memories this home holds (good and bad). Living at home, I had my moments when I said "I can't wait to leave, I can't deal with the dysfunction, we are too different" and I am sure many of you have spoken these words before, but now that reality is truly kicking in and it is bitter sweet. I am moving onto having a new life and creating my own family which is great, yet I am sad that I have to leave the only home I have known for 23 years.
I also had a conversation with my younger cousin about the crazy things we would do as a child, and then it hit me. No my parents did not always agree with some things I did (C's on the report card, dropping out of college to only find my way back and graduating with a Bachelors, coming home at 6 am tripping on the floor because I was beyond intoxicated, piercing every part of my body, and the list goes on), but my parents gave me an amazing life and truly gave me freedom to be myself which helped me grow into the amazing woman I am today.
As I child, teen and young adult, I was always given just enough. As a child I had the ability to engage is crazy things that most parents would not allow. My parents always saw it as I was not causing any harm and just having a good time. Although they were not perfect and did annoy me and drag me on obnoxious long car rides to random places, at the time I disliked them for this, but now I realize they helped me create amazing memories with friends/family that I can never replace. As I find myself leaving home, this home will forever hold a piece of my heart. This home has witnessed so many important aspects of my life. From bubble baths in the tub as I attempted to swim with my bubble mohawk (which I can no longer swim in the tub because my legs are clearly too long for that), the tears, the fights, the breakups with nasty boyfriends, the trips, the falls, the birthday parties, the parental fights between one another, Christmas parties, Christmas days, the lovely times spent with my grandparents.. this house truly holds everything that I am, and I pray to god that my parents never ever consider selling it. This house contains my whole life.
People always warned me that you would appreciate everything once you became an adult, and I finally see this as true. You never realize things end, and you grow and need to move on with life, but now I see that this is the truth. The thought of no longer being a part of this home breaks my heart and brings tears to me eyes, because this was my home for 23 years; it's like ending a relationship!
I am very different than my parents, but everyday I find myself acting so much like my mother and father. I guess I will always take a piece of them with me. I will forever be grateful for the life they gave me, all the good experiences and all the bad experiences because at this very moment, I am exactly where I want to be and who I want to be, and I am perfectly imperfect.
T
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